Matt, Stacey, and Ben Uhrig

In less than 48 hours, Ben will wake up and celebrate his 2nd birthday. I've been thinking a lot about this day...what it means to me, to Matt, to Ben, and most likely Ben's birthmother.

5 Years ago, we began our journey - trying to grow our family of 2 to 3. It was 5 years ago exactly, on A beach in Kaui, Hawaii (just after 9-11) that Matt and I decided we were "ready". 3 years later (almost to the day of that discussion), Ben was born.

During the time that we struggled with growing our family....our focus was always on why, what's wrong, and for the most part the focus was on us and how we were feeling about all of this. It was a very very diffucult time. However, when Ben joined our family and filled our hearts, we realized our journey our struggle had NOTHING to do with us.

Matt said to me after Ben came home, "I really don't think our not being able to have a child biologically had anything to do with us. I think it was meant to be". (Have my "everything happens for a reason" or as my father calls it "woo woo" philosophies rubbed off on my husband???) He continued..."I believe we were meant to adopt. Our purpose was to bring Ben not just into our lives but into the lives of our friends and family - and to help us and everyone else see beyond all boundaries and to accept all people. We are an inter-racial family. Isn't it cool that Ben's cousins can say to other people - yeah that's my cousin Ben - even though he is Korean and they are not." This conversation really struck a chord with me for a number of reasons. A)1. My husband believes in my "woo woo" philosophies of life ;-) and B) I completely couldn't have said it better myself...he was so on the mark!

This gets me to my next thought - Ben's birthmom. Last year on Ben's first birthday - I thought a lot of his birthmother. This year will be the same. When we celebrate Ben's birth, we celebrate Ben's birthmother, in our own quiet way.

Not a week goes by where I don't think of her. When Ben does something new, says something new, shares a new idea or thought - I think of her. Ben is a brilliant, sensitive, amazing little man. Though I know as parents we have a lot to do with the way he is - I will never disregard or forget that she has had quite an impact as well.

To say that Matt and I are blessed is a severe understatement. Her generosity and self-lessness to share this amazing soul with us is beyond words. Simply beyond words.

Posted in: on Friday, November 10, 2006 at at Friday, November 10, 2006